Thursday, 24 March 2016

Is Marriage for Everybody? Ladies if You Really Want to Push for Gender Equality Then Think Logically Like a Man - Adejoro Olumofin

Is marriage for Everybody? -What is the lifespan of a blissful marriage in Nigeria? -Should we envy people who seem to have perfect marriages? -When or If your Husband / Wife derails from her good ways, can she / he truly change? 

This Article is Inspired by real life events ; actually a friend of mine asked me to write this. She has most of the qualities that a man would look for in a lady : Smart, Educated, Pretty, Religious, Fashionable, from a Notable Family, great cook etc yet she's going through a messy, psychological and hurtful divorce after 5 years of marriage. 

-She endured her husband cheating on her inside their own home. He would say hotels are getting expensive that at least he's saving money by bringing his girls to their guest room.

-She would see random pictures of her son on different girls pages on facebook and instagram. There was a day her husband lied to her that he left their son at his parents house but he left him at a girlfriends place disregarding the boys safety.

-When she felt the need to stand up for herself he would beat her up so badly her scalp would cut or drag her down the step.

-He would attend grand events with other women and in the process come out on Blogs.

-He seized her passport so she wouldn't leave the country.

I'm sure You would ask yourself why an educated lady who comes from a well to do home stayed for 5 years despite all these. 3 reasons :

1) Societal Pressure 
2) Family Pressure 
3) Fantasy

1) societal pressure : When you have let the world , social media , blogs, print media into your home. They are now a part of your relationship. They put captions like couple of the year, my best dressed couple etc for the public. Therefore you're no longer thinking about your own interest and safety in the marriage but that of the "PEOPLE" and their negative comments. 

She said countless times she wanted to leave but as she's watching tv , reading a blog or driving In Traffic she'll see a picture or video of her and her husband with different captions. " PERFECT COUPLE" , "LOVE IN TOKYO". And it will make her stay because she didn't want to look stupid.

2) Family Pressure : We all have different family backgrounds and our families would have handled this situation very differently. But her mom was running for Office at the time so she told her to endure and take everything, pretend and smile for the camera until she wins her election. 

While her Dad said God Forbid his only daughter will never divorce in his lifetime and she should work it out. Her parents always sent her home when she wanted to sleep over at their place on rough nights. 

3) Fantasy : this is very common with women because most women are controlled by emotions and not logic. Despite all the brutality she still believed that her husband would one day change and repent of his ways and they would have a Walt Disney ending.

Psychologically our personality are officially formed by teenage years and can hardly be changed. So it is very difficult for someone who is not willing to change to actually change. If you find yourself in a situation like this. Forget it. It's a trap. He's most likely not going to change if he doesn't want to.

Now that she has gathered the courage to start divorce proceedings he's begging and saying he wants her back. He's delaying court dates by forming fake illness and saying he's not mentally able to appear in court just so that she may change her mind.

What do you think moves men to act this way?

Why do women actually stay so long to take such savagery ? 


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