Monday, 22 May 2017

The Diary And Struggles Of A Nigerian Wife - Joro Olumofin

The Diary & Struggles of a Nigerian wife. (Juxtaposition of Cognition) I.e I put myself in the mind & shoes of a Nigerian Wife; based on mails i receive from clients & direct observation) 

Hi, my name is Mrs X, i have been married to my husband for 9 years. I smile and glow in public but the emotional and mental baggages I carry weigh me down. I am expected by society & my family to be perfect to my husband despite the fact that he throws negativity at me very often. I am a Warrior who is not appreciated by her Kinsmen. 

This is my Diary. Read carefully: 

1) After my 2nd child my husband complained that my vagina is not the same to him anymore. Is it a sin to have children? 
2) My husband now treats sex like a chore, no more efforts just BANG, BANG and he's DONE, there's no more foreplay. He treats Sex like something to tick off a calendar list. 
3) My husband recently started demanding somethings I'm not okay with, such as ( anal, masochism, threesomes, recorded sex seasons. I know he is being influenced by his friends or his Sidechicks or maybe mid-life crisis. Do I give in? or let him get it outside ? I really want to make him happy. I want to keep my home, do I throw away My values to make him happy? 

2⃣ I HAVE TO DEAL WITH SIDECHICKS (Do I ignore? , attack my husband for his actions or find a sugar boy of my own? ) 
Of recent I have noticed some changes in my him 
1) I discovered a new phone he has and I didn't know about 
2) I once found a used condom in the car 
3) My little cousins in Unilag & Babcock University keep asking if my husband is now running a Masters or Phd program because they see him so much on their campus.
4) My husband is a prowler on social media he is always sliding into DM and comments on so many ladies pictures. He is following 3000 girls 
5)I finally got wind of his Sidechicks identity, she is the exact opposite of what I look like and what I am ( Bleached skin, long Brazilian hair, so many tattoos, her grammar is very poor from her captions on social media, I saw a couple of shoes and clothes my husband bought me on his last trip on her page.

At the beginning he promised me that it was for better for worse. I have taken him for who he is and I still love him no matter how he looks today.
1) My husband doesn't have 6 packs anymore, he now has a pot belly, 
2) He is even getting bald 
3) He tried to keep a beard but it didn't work
3) When we met he had the stamina for 4 rounds in a day but now he can't even last 10 mins in one round of sex. 
All these mentioned but I still love him,
But he doesn't love me anymore or show it because 
1) I have added weight 
2) He expects me to look the way I looked on our wedding day 
I have accepted the new him why can't he accept the new me? 

4⃣ MY HEALTH & SAFETY : I think my husband has Sidechicks and sleeps around ; do I ask him to wear a condom with me? When I told him to wear a condom he turned it into a big fight and refused to eat my food for a week. How do I handle the fact that my husband is not faithful yet I still have to allow him sleep with me without protection, risking all sorts of diseases. Is this love ? How do I handle this ? 

5⃣ FINANCES : Your money is my money but my money is my own money. My husband has a job and investments but he's always broke. I can't account for his expenses because of his new lavish lifestyle. He demands money from me as he pleases. I am the admin of the house. All the expenses to run the house are on me and he's never around to contribute. Do I wait for him to bring money before I run the house , risk sleeping in the dark with my children when nepa takes light or take responsibility into my own hands. 
My account can't handle all these expenses alone.

6⃣ DOMESTIC VIOLENCE : While we were dating, I saw some signs that he was verbally abusive but I ignored because I love him. Of recent, any little thing I do my husband beats me up. When I hear him park his car, I feel so afraid and pretend like I'm sleeping. I agree with everything he says so he doesn't beat me up. The world thinks our marriage is perfect so it's very hard for me to break this perfect persona of our home. I don't want my children to grow up without a father. At least I'm married , a lot of my friends are not married. 
What do you think ? 

7⃣ FRESHLY MADE MEALS : My husband used to be an indomie guy who eats bread and anything he sees, he doesn't stress me for food at all. Ever since his mother came to spend Easter with us, she influenced him. He has been demanding freshly made meals. I have to be at my office / shop by 8am, also prepare the children for school but my husband insists I make him fresh food early. I wake up at 4.30 am to start my day everyday. When I get home, it's the same thing all over again. I spend all my time in the kitchen. My friends husbands stays with her in the kitchen but my husband watches premiere league while I cook. 
Despite all these and more from my Diary, I am not appreciated or treated the way I deserve from the I give my ALL and love of my life. Is making all these sacrifices worth it to keep my home ?

This article does not depict how all Nigerian marriages are, There are wives who have never experienced any of these. Based on the thousands of mails I've received on this subject I've observed and gathered that women who are unhappy in their marriages or in abusive marriages don't have the courage or means to pick themselves up and move on because of emotional attachments in children or love and most often Money or expertise sustain themselves. Some women fall so deeply in love that they forget to secure a plan B or a financial security for their future.

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